Tuesday, March 22, 2005
book twelve
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
by Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee
I read this book at the urging of my husband, who is a child of divorce. It was really fascinating and insightful, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. My parents are still happily married after recently celebrating their 30th anniversary, so what the heck do I know about divorce or being the child of it?
The book was written after the researcher, Dr. Wallerstein, corresponded with a previous study subject who was herself a child of divorce. She had been a subject in a previous study about the effects of divorce on children. Speaking with her fired Dr. Wallerstein's curiousity about how the other child subjects turned out, and how their lives compared to children of intact families. So she contacted the children of her old studies and asked them to participate in this new study, and also asked them for recommendations of peers who were from intact families.
She was surprised to find that the effects of parental divorce on children continued into their adult lives. While there were exceptions, an awful lot of the adult children of divorce were still having trouble with relationships, trust, family communications, and so on. Women especially seemed to struggle with issues of self-esteem and troubled relationships. The cases I found most upsetting were of women who rushed impulsively into bad relationships when they were very young, had children of their own, and then left their boyfriends/husbands, perpetrating the cycle. The thing that upset me about their behavior is that they KNEW and acknowledged they were inflicting the same pain on their own children that their parents had inflicted on them.
There was way too much information in the book for me to summarize here. I will say that if you are a child of divorce, or if you are considering divorce, it may be a worthwhile read to get some insight into the long-term effects on families.
by Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee
I read this book at the urging of my husband, who is a child of divorce. It was really fascinating and insightful, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. My parents are still happily married after recently celebrating their 30th anniversary, so what the heck do I know about divorce or being the child of it?
The book was written after the researcher, Dr. Wallerstein, corresponded with a previous study subject who was herself a child of divorce. She had been a subject in a previous study about the effects of divorce on children. Speaking with her fired Dr. Wallerstein's curiousity about how the other child subjects turned out, and how their lives compared to children of intact families. So she contacted the children of her old studies and asked them to participate in this new study, and also asked them for recommendations of peers who were from intact families.
She was surprised to find that the effects of parental divorce on children continued into their adult lives. While there were exceptions, an awful lot of the adult children of divorce were still having trouble with relationships, trust, family communications, and so on. Women especially seemed to struggle with issues of self-esteem and troubled relationships. The cases I found most upsetting were of women who rushed impulsively into bad relationships when they were very young, had children of their own, and then left their boyfriends/husbands, perpetrating the cycle. The thing that upset me about their behavior is that they KNEW and acknowledged they were inflicting the same pain on their own children that their parents had inflicted on them.
There was way too much information in the book for me to summarize here. I will say that if you are a child of divorce, or if you are considering divorce, it may be a worthwhile read to get some insight into the long-term effects on families.
Labels: book reports, relationships
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
book six
The Dogs of Babel
Carolyn Parkhurst
This book was well-written, but so sad! The premise is that a linguistics professor (Paul) whose wife (Lexy) recently died, either by accident or by suicide, tries to solve the mystery of her death. The only witness was their dog Lorelai. So Paul decides he needs to teach Lorelai to speak or communicate in some way, so he can ask her what happened to Lexy.
But that's not what the book is really about. It's really about the relationship that Paul and Lexy had prior to her death, and how Paul works through his grief and anger at his loss. I thought it was touching, but so sad. And once again, I couldn't imagine my own marriage breaking down in the same way - even though the relationship depicted in this book was entirely different than the relationship in The Marriage Bed. There's some sort of squicky weird stuff about people who want to make dogs talk, which if you're an animal lover, will break your heart. Fortunately, I find it unlikely that the make-dogs-talk stuff was based on anything happening in today's society. (If you've read Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver, you're undoubtedly thinking about Robert Hooke's dog experiments now... but that was in the 1600s!)
Carolyn Parkhurst
This book was well-written, but so sad! The premise is that a linguistics professor (Paul) whose wife (Lexy) recently died, either by accident or by suicide, tries to solve the mystery of her death. The only witness was their dog Lorelai. So Paul decides he needs to teach Lorelai to speak or communicate in some way, so he can ask her what happened to Lexy.
But that's not what the book is really about. It's really about the relationship that Paul and Lexy had prior to her death, and how Paul works through his grief and anger at his loss. I thought it was touching, but so sad. And once again, I couldn't imagine my own marriage breaking down in the same way - even though the relationship depicted in this book was entirely different than the relationship in The Marriage Bed. There's some sort of squicky weird stuff about people who want to make dogs talk, which if you're an animal lover, will break your heart. Fortunately, I find it unlikely that the make-dogs-talk stuff was based on anything happening in today's society. (If you've read Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver, you're undoubtedly thinking about Robert Hooke's dog experiments now... but that was in the 1600s!)
Labels: book reports, relationships
Monday, January 31, 2005
book five
The Marriage Bed
by Regina McBride
I sat down and read this book all in one evening. I should confess that I chose it based on the illustration on the cover. It's a lovely, haunting story about Dierdre, a woman in Ireland who was orphaned at a young age, then sent to a convent, but married just before she took her nun's vows. Most of the book takes place in Dierdre's memories of her childhood and adolescence, as she considers what to tell her adolescent daughters about her own life. The most interesting relationship in the book is between Dierdre and her husband, Manus. They move together and apart repeatedly during the course of their marriage. While this made for a compelling read, it also made me feel extremely well-adjusted, because I can't imagine my own marriage ever coming apart as badly as theirs!
by Regina McBride
I sat down and read this book all in one evening. I should confess that I chose it based on the illustration on the cover. It's a lovely, haunting story about Dierdre, a woman in Ireland who was orphaned at a young age, then sent to a convent, but married just before she took her nun's vows. Most of the book takes place in Dierdre's memories of her childhood and adolescence, as she considers what to tell her adolescent daughters about her own life. The most interesting relationship in the book is between Dierdre and her husband, Manus. They move together and apart repeatedly during the course of their marriage. While this made for a compelling read, it also made me feel extremely well-adjusted, because I can't imagine my own marriage ever coming apart as badly as theirs!
Labels: book reports, relationships
