Tuesday, March 22, 2005
book twelve
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
by Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee
I read this book at the urging of my husband, who is a child of divorce. It was really fascinating and insightful, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. My parents are still happily married after recently celebrating their 30th anniversary, so what the heck do I know about divorce or being the child of it?
The book was written after the researcher, Dr. Wallerstein, corresponded with a previous study subject who was herself a child of divorce. She had been a subject in a previous study about the effects of divorce on children. Speaking with her fired Dr. Wallerstein's curiousity about how the other child subjects turned out, and how their lives compared to children of intact families. So she contacted the children of her old studies and asked them to participate in this new study, and also asked them for recommendations of peers who were from intact families.
She was surprised to find that the effects of parental divorce on children continued into their adult lives. While there were exceptions, an awful lot of the adult children of divorce were still having trouble with relationships, trust, family communications, and so on. Women especially seemed to struggle with issues of self-esteem and troubled relationships. The cases I found most upsetting were of women who rushed impulsively into bad relationships when they were very young, had children of their own, and then left their boyfriends/husbands, perpetrating the cycle. The thing that upset me about their behavior is that they KNEW and acknowledged they were inflicting the same pain on their own children that their parents had inflicted on them.
There was way too much information in the book for me to summarize here. I will say that if you are a child of divorce, or if you are considering divorce, it may be a worthwhile read to get some insight into the long-term effects on families.
by Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee
I read this book at the urging of my husband, who is a child of divorce. It was really fascinating and insightful, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. My parents are still happily married after recently celebrating their 30th anniversary, so what the heck do I know about divorce or being the child of it?
The book was written after the researcher, Dr. Wallerstein, corresponded with a previous study subject who was herself a child of divorce. She had been a subject in a previous study about the effects of divorce on children. Speaking with her fired Dr. Wallerstein's curiousity about how the other child subjects turned out, and how their lives compared to children of intact families. So she contacted the children of her old studies and asked them to participate in this new study, and also asked them for recommendations of peers who were from intact families.
She was surprised to find that the effects of parental divorce on children continued into their adult lives. While there were exceptions, an awful lot of the adult children of divorce were still having trouble with relationships, trust, family communications, and so on. Women especially seemed to struggle with issues of self-esteem and troubled relationships. The cases I found most upsetting were of women who rushed impulsively into bad relationships when they were very young, had children of their own, and then left their boyfriends/husbands, perpetrating the cycle. The thing that upset me about their behavior is that they KNEW and acknowledged they were inflicting the same pain on their own children that their parents had inflicted on them.
There was way too much information in the book for me to summarize here. I will say that if you are a child of divorce, or if you are considering divorce, it may be a worthwhile read to get some insight into the long-term effects on families.
Labels: book reports, relationships
