Monday, January 23, 2006
gifted
Julia: How Do You Take A Cloud And Pin It Down
Oh wow, reading about Julia's son Patrick brought up all kinds of stuff for me.
I read very early and was frustrated by some of the constraints I experienced in public school. I know my parents looked at putting me into a private preschool/kindergarten when I was 4 or 5 but they couldn't afford it. So I went to my neighborhood public school from kindergarten through 6th grade, at which point we moved out of state. I was formally identified as gifted and given an IQ test in first grade. The effects of being identified as "gifted" were fairly mixed... on the one hand, I was allowed to study subjects at my own pace rather than being tied down to my grade level, but on the other hand, I think I was WAY too focused on how smart I allegedly was and I'm still dealing with the psychological impact of that at 30.
In the positive camp, I know I learned a lot of stuff at a time in my childhood when I was very curious and open to new ideas, which was great fun and great for me. My parents were extremely supportive and constantly supported me with books, magazines, educational programming on TV, field trips to do science-y things, volunteer experiences at the local zoo, etc etc etc. I think I would've gone bonkers if my parents had been indifferent. The payoff from all the academic stimulation was that I did extremely well on the PSAT and won a National Merit scholarship, which allowed me to go to college for virtually free.
On the negative side - I did have friends when I was a kid, but honestly, I considered myself superior to them because all the adults in my life treated me like I was special because I was brainy. And that probably wasn't so good for my social development. I had a hard time making and connecting with friends up until I went to college, actually. Not that I was a complete outcast or anything, but I always felt different in some way from my peers. Oh, and there was that ridiculous episode when I was 16 where I tried to have a fling with a guy in his 20s - I was sure that he was interested in me because I was so mature and intelligent, not because I was 16 and he was creepy. Sigh.
And most negatively, I have struggled since I graduated from high school with the fact that I am not Doing Something Important. I have felt anxious or guilty nearly every day since 1993 because I am not studying something important, leading the free world, getting multiple graduate degrees, writing the great American novel, saving lives, teaching impoverished children, or whatever. The bar was set so high for me - "Emily, you are so smart, you can do anything you want when you grow up!" - that I feel like a failure because my life is normal. I am trying very hard to get past this. The career change into nursing is partly motivated by my efforts to listen to my heart about what I want to do with my life, and not listen to my ego which tells me I should be an overachiever or else I'm a failure. There are a lot of positives in my life (I'm happily married, I'm close to my parents, I'm not drowning in debt, I am competent in many areas of life [cooking, cleaning, managing a budget, using a computer, driving a car, problem-solving, caring for people and animals, and so on], I've acquired lots of useful skills, I am not lonely)... but I still sometimes worry that I'm not good enough. Not good enough for what? I don't even know anymore!
Julia, if you read this, I'm probably no help to you regarding Patrick. Knowing that was I gifted as a kid put a lot of burdens on me that I still carry today - but it also gave me a lot of confidence in myself that I might not have had otherwise.
Oh wow, reading about Julia's son Patrick brought up all kinds of stuff for me.
I read very early and was frustrated by some of the constraints I experienced in public school. I know my parents looked at putting me into a private preschool/kindergarten when I was 4 or 5 but they couldn't afford it. So I went to my neighborhood public school from kindergarten through 6th grade, at which point we moved out of state. I was formally identified as gifted and given an IQ test in first grade. The effects of being identified as "gifted" were fairly mixed... on the one hand, I was allowed to study subjects at my own pace rather than being tied down to my grade level, but on the other hand, I think I was WAY too focused on how smart I allegedly was and I'm still dealing with the psychological impact of that at 30.
In the positive camp, I know I learned a lot of stuff at a time in my childhood when I was very curious and open to new ideas, which was great fun and great for me. My parents were extremely supportive and constantly supported me with books, magazines, educational programming on TV, field trips to do science-y things, volunteer experiences at the local zoo, etc etc etc. I think I would've gone bonkers if my parents had been indifferent. The payoff from all the academic stimulation was that I did extremely well on the PSAT and won a National Merit scholarship, which allowed me to go to college for virtually free.
On the negative side - I did have friends when I was a kid, but honestly, I considered myself superior to them because all the adults in my life treated me like I was special because I was brainy. And that probably wasn't so good for my social development. I had a hard time making and connecting with friends up until I went to college, actually. Not that I was a complete outcast or anything, but I always felt different in some way from my peers. Oh, and there was that ridiculous episode when I was 16 where I tried to have a fling with a guy in his 20s - I was sure that he was interested in me because I was so mature and intelligent, not because I was 16 and he was creepy. Sigh.
And most negatively, I have struggled since I graduated from high school with the fact that I am not Doing Something Important. I have felt anxious or guilty nearly every day since 1993 because I am not studying something important, leading the free world, getting multiple graduate degrees, writing the great American novel, saving lives, teaching impoverished children, or whatever. The bar was set so high for me - "Emily, you are so smart, you can do anything you want when you grow up!" - that I feel like a failure because my life is normal. I am trying very hard to get past this. The career change into nursing is partly motivated by my efforts to listen to my heart about what I want to do with my life, and not listen to my ego which tells me I should be an overachiever or else I'm a failure. There are a lot of positives in my life (I'm happily married, I'm close to my parents, I'm not drowning in debt, I am competent in many areas of life [cooking, cleaning, managing a budget, using a computer, driving a car, problem-solving, caring for people and animals, and so on], I've acquired lots of useful skills, I am not lonely)... but I still sometimes worry that I'm not good enough. Not good enough for what? I don't even know anymore!
Julia, if you read this, I'm probably no help to you regarding Patrick. Knowing that was I gifted as a kid put a lot of burdens on me that I still carry today - but it also gave me a lot of confidence in myself that I might not have had otherwise.
Comments:
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wow! straight from the mouth of a gifted child!that was a very honest post!
i think we get something from everything that happen to us; and you have done that. the "negative" repercussions are manageable, you have managed too. keep it up!
thanks for sharing. i am not gifted, but a lot of family felt that way about me. i'm glad i have seen a lot of people who are REALLY smart, so i am grounded in that fact: that though i know some things that other kids didn't know, there are a lot of stuff that i am clueless about. sorry for the looooonnnng comment :)
i think we get something from everything that happen to us; and you have done that. the "negative" repercussions are manageable, you have managed too. keep it up!
thanks for sharing. i am not gifted, but a lot of family felt that way about me. i'm glad i have seen a lot of people who are REALLY smart, so i am grounded in that fact: that though i know some things that other kids didn't know, there are a lot of stuff that i am clueless about. sorry for the looooonnnng comment :)
We need smart nurses, too:)
I had a different experience. I grew up in a first-generation immigrant culture that didn't want to let go of old ways. Girls like me who read books were considered to be "weird." There was no one to discuss ideas with and I was not encouraged to get into the community and mingle with different ethnic groups with different values.
Of course, I escaped my home at age 18, "left" the culture and did my thing. People develop at their own pace on their own time; you are following your heart which always leads you to the Right Place.
Hang in there. Nursing needs you.
I had a different experience. I grew up in a first-generation immigrant culture that didn't want to let go of old ways. Girls like me who read books were considered to be "weird." There was no one to discuss ideas with and I was not encouraged to get into the community and mingle with different ethnic groups with different values.
Of course, I escaped my home at age 18, "left" the culture and did my thing. People develop at their own pace on their own time; you are following your heart which always leads you to the Right Place.
Hang in there. Nursing needs you.
i was "promoted" when i was very young and considered gifted. however, the pressure really got to me in junior high. i reacted negatively to the attention and somehow managed to rid myself of that label.
over the years, i felt like i really disappointed my family. however, after a lot of soul searching, i came to the realization that my self-worth is not based on test results and awards and other people's opinions. as long as i am a good person - a loving daughter, a good friend, a caring and compassionate nurse - i am doing something important. the love i get in return is more than enough reward for me!
emily, you are doing something important... every day that you show someone you care, you make a difference. keep it up!
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over the years, i felt like i really disappointed my family. however, after a lot of soul searching, i came to the realization that my self-worth is not based on test results and awards and other people's opinions. as long as i am a good person - a loving daughter, a good friend, a caring and compassionate nurse - i am doing something important. the love i get in return is more than enough reward for me!
emily, you are doing something important... every day that you show someone you care, you make a difference. keep it up!
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