Sunday, February 25, 2007
heading toward burnout
The past two quarters have gone by extremely quickly. This quarter started out going fast, and then sometime in the past week or two, it came screeching to a halt. There are two full weeks left, then one more week with lecture but no clinicals, and then one more week where we have one day of lecture and then the final exam a couple days later. How is it possible that there is still almost a month left? Haven't I been in 3rd quarter for about 100 years?
I am dreading going into 4th quarter with this level of burnout. From what I've heard, it's like 3rd quarter plus another entire class and clinical (psych nursing). Am I going to have to give up sleeping and eating to make it work? I suppose that's one way to lose weight...
I am dreading going into 4th quarter with this level of burnout. From what I've heard, it's like 3rd quarter plus another entire class and clinical (psych nursing). Am I going to have to give up sleeping and eating to make it work? I suppose that's one way to lose weight...
Labels: nursing school
Sunday, February 18, 2007
book report: Passage
Passage
by Connie Willis
I felt a strong connection to this book, as it dealt with many of the issues I've been pondering over the past couple of years: medicine, end-of-life issues, what happens in near-death experiences, Alzheimer's disease, how survivors deal with loss when someone dies, hospitals...
The main character, Joanna, is a nurse working on a research project interviewing people in the hospital who have had near-death experiences. She believes in her work but is often frustrated and thwarted by a colleague who contaminates the subjects' stories by blathering about angels and spirits and generally convincing everyone to follow his script of a near-death experience. Joanna meets a new researcher, Dr. Wright, and gets involved with his project which involves creating near-death-like experiences using drugs and sensory deprivation. He is trying to discover the biolgoical purpose for near-death experiences. Joanna and Dr. Wright try to find unbiased subjects on whom to experiment, but have a lot of trouble finding volunteers who are not biased by the angels/light/tunnel script or do not have trouble getting into the near-death-like state. So, Joanna volunteers to undergo the experience herself. She has no difficulty reaching the correct mind-state, but perplexingly, always finds herself on the Titanic just before it sinks whenever she undergoes the procedure. Joanna has the feeling that the Titanic is somehow related to something she learned in a high school English class, but when she goes looking for her English teacher, she finds that he is now in the throes of Alzheimer's disease and can't explain to her what she wants to know.
Then something really sad happens.
I was completely entranced by this book. It was clever and smart and touching and sad all at the same time. It probably helped that I read it during a power outage when I was feeling sort of displaced and confused already. And I love the way the book wrapped up, with an answer of sorts arising out of the Really Sad Thing.
by Connie Willis
I felt a strong connection to this book, as it dealt with many of the issues I've been pondering over the past couple of years: medicine, end-of-life issues, what happens in near-death experiences, Alzheimer's disease, how survivors deal with loss when someone dies, hospitals...
The main character, Joanna, is a nurse working on a research project interviewing people in the hospital who have had near-death experiences. She believes in her work but is often frustrated and thwarted by a colleague who contaminates the subjects' stories by blathering about angels and spirits and generally convincing everyone to follow his script of a near-death experience. Joanna meets a new researcher, Dr. Wright, and gets involved with his project which involves creating near-death-like experiences using drugs and sensory deprivation. He is trying to discover the biolgoical purpose for near-death experiences. Joanna and Dr. Wright try to find unbiased subjects on whom to experiment, but have a lot of trouble finding volunteers who are not biased by the angels/light/tunnel script or do not have trouble getting into the near-death-like state. So, Joanna volunteers to undergo the experience herself. She has no difficulty reaching the correct mind-state, but perplexingly, always finds herself on the Titanic just before it sinks whenever she undergoes the procedure. Joanna has the feeling that the Titanic is somehow related to something she learned in a high school English class, but when she goes looking for her English teacher, she finds that he is now in the throes of Alzheimer's disease and can't explain to her what she wants to know.
Then something really sad happens.
I was completely entranced by this book. It was clever and smart and touching and sad all at the same time. It probably helped that I read it during a power outage when I was feeling sort of displaced and confused already. And I love the way the book wrapped up, with an answer of sorts arising out of the Really Sad Thing.
Labels: book reports, nursing, science fiction
book report: The Forge of God
The Forge of God
by Greg Bear
I haven't yet read "Anvil of Stars," which many people seem to feel is a better story than this prequel. I thought "Forge of God" was quite interesting, if a little too wordy, and a little too loose in the ending.
The book is set in the last several months before the destruction of the earth by a mysterious race of "planet-eaters". Humankind is initially contacted by two constructs made by the planet-eaters' opponents - one construct seems like a sci-fi movie alien, and the other is a group of ovoid floating silver robots. Both constructs self-destruct, leaving humanity mostly in the dark about the fate of the Earth.
As the world wonders what is going to happen after the warnings from the faux aliens, some individuals encounter tiny spider-like robots that "bite" them and integrate them into a network of humans worldwide. Via this network, the chosen humans take on the tasks of rounding up data and genetic samples from all over the world and loading them into containers for evacuation of the planet.
I won't give away the ending but I bet you can guess what happens next...
by Greg Bear
I haven't yet read "Anvil of Stars," which many people seem to feel is a better story than this prequel. I thought "Forge of God" was quite interesting, if a little too wordy, and a little too loose in the ending.
The book is set in the last several months before the destruction of the earth by a mysterious race of "planet-eaters". Humankind is initially contacted by two constructs made by the planet-eaters' opponents - one construct seems like a sci-fi movie alien, and the other is a group of ovoid floating silver robots. Both constructs self-destruct, leaving humanity mostly in the dark about the fate of the Earth.
As the world wonders what is going to happen after the warnings from the faux aliens, some individuals encounter tiny spider-like robots that "bite" them and integrate them into a network of humans worldwide. Via this network, the chosen humans take on the tasks of rounding up data and genetic samples from all over the world and loading them into containers for evacuation of the planet.
I won't give away the ending but I bet you can guess what happens next...
Labels: book reports, science fiction
Saturday, February 17, 2007
eczema cream
I found this company at the Ballard Farmer's Market last weekend. I didn't have the cash on hand to buy any eczema cream or hand salve at the time, but I tried them both and they're really nice. With all the hand-washing I have to do as a nursing student, really good hand cream is important!
Friday, February 16, 2007
broken
I went back to clinical this week now that my instructor is feeling better. The extremely broken girl I mentioned last week was still on the unit on Tuesday, so I selected her again (since I'd already written a care plan for her!). I also selected another patient and wrote a care plan on him... and when I got to the hospital on Wednesday he had been discharged. Crap. So, I asked my nurse if she had another patient I could pick up, and then I basically followed my nurse around like a puppy all night. Well, I guess that's not true, I did do quite a bit of care on my own and with a classmate. I stood by and handed my nurse lots and lots of gloves while she did a manual disimpaction on my second patient... if you don't know what that means, consider yourself lucky and think no more about it.
Caring for the extremely broken girl was emotionally difficult for me. Partly because I was afraid of hurting her because she had so many injuries in so many places, and partly because she has some brain damage which makes finding the words she wants to say difficult for her. She's very young and tiny, also, which just adds to the impression of vulnerability. I felt *really* bad about giving her injections because she got very upset when I did it. She's so thin that I imagine even the tiny sub-Q needles hurt her. Fortunately classmate M* came into the room with me and held her hands and helped me reassure her when I had to give her shots. But, even though I found it emotionally difficult, I was able to do a good job caring for her. That kind of surprised me. Similarly, I was surprised and pleased with myself later in the evening on Thursday when one of classmate M*'s patients had a respiratory crisis, and both of us worked in conjunction with the patient's nurse to make him more comfortable. We've learned enough at this point that I could do useful things instead of just stand there looking dumb. That was a nice realization.
This coming week I have a break from actual patient care - I'll be observing in an endoscopy suite one day and shadowing a respiratory therapist another day. The nice thing about the observations is that they're during the day, so I won't have to be up late at night and spend no time with R*! We'll get to eat dinner together every night just like an actual married couple.
Caring for the extremely broken girl was emotionally difficult for me. Partly because I was afraid of hurting her because she had so many injuries in so many places, and partly because she has some brain damage which makes finding the words she wants to say difficult for her. She's very young and tiny, also, which just adds to the impression of vulnerability. I felt *really* bad about giving her injections because she got very upset when I did it. She's so thin that I imagine even the tiny sub-Q needles hurt her. Fortunately classmate M* came into the room with me and held her hands and helped me reassure her when I had to give her shots. But, even though I found it emotionally difficult, I was able to do a good job caring for her. That kind of surprised me. Similarly, I was surprised and pleased with myself later in the evening on Thursday when one of classmate M*'s patients had a respiratory crisis, and both of us worked in conjunction with the patient's nurse to make him more comfortable. We've learned enough at this point that I could do useful things instead of just stand there looking dumb. That was a nice realization.
This coming week I have a break from actual patient care - I'll be observing in an endoscopy suite one day and shadowing a respiratory therapist another day. The nice thing about the observations is that they're during the day, so I won't have to be up late at night and spend no time with R*! We'll get to eat dinner together every night just like an actual married couple.
Labels: nursing school
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
gifted learner/gifted doer
This is a really interesting article that articulates a lot of the stuff I have tried to say in the past about my own designation as a gifted child. The very short version is that being a precocious child in a particular field is not a good predictor of success or achievement in that field as an adult. There is a myth in our culture that someone who is a genius as a child will be a super-genius as an adult, but the reality seems to be that most "genius children" turn out just okay as adults.
Labels: gifted
Thursday, February 08, 2007
wish answered
On Tuesday, I almost fell asleep in lecture, then had to go to the hospital to pick patients for clinical. I was exhausted, cranky that my fave classmate M* wasn't with us, annoyed that I'd been allegedly exposed to pertussis at clinical last week and had to take 5 days of azithromycin, and anxious about moving to a new unit (ortho trauma, now with 100% more broken patients!) where I could hurt someone inadvertantly, etc. I commented to classmates A* and A* who were in my car that if I could just have a weekend right then, between Tuesday and Wednesday, everything would be fine. I would catch up on my sleep and get caught up at home and study for our cardio test on Monday.
So we arrived at the hospital and I went up to the new unit, nervous as all hell, and spoke to the charge nurse (who was SUPER helpful and kind), and he picked out two patients for me, one of whom I thought I could care for easily, and one of whom was so broken I was scared even thinking about touching her. She'd survived a nasty car wreck but had LOTS of broken things including both femurs (thigh bones for you nonmedical types). Ouch! So I worked very hard on my pre-plans and was all ready to roll on Wednesday morning... when my clinical instructor called me to say that she was very sick and clinical has been cancelled for the week because she couldn't find anyone who would be able to take her place and supervise us students on the floor. And obviously it's illegal for students to practice without supervision. So! I got my weekend after all! Although this does mean I'll have to go to one more week of clinical closer to the end of the quarter.
Yesterday I went out for breakfast with R*, studied my cardio stuff, worked out (30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of yoga, it was awesome! I want to do that every day!), spent quality time with my sweetie and my cat, painted my toenails, cooked dinner, and went to bed early. Today so far I've done some cleaning around the house, changed the sheets on the bed, and made plans for a study group later this afternoon. Later I'll work out and make dinner.
I really needed the break. Nursing school is kicking my butt this quarter. I'm already anxious for next quarter, because I hear we have just as much lecture plus THREE nights of clinical a week. Egad.
So we arrived at the hospital and I went up to the new unit, nervous as all hell, and spoke to the charge nurse (who was SUPER helpful and kind), and he picked out two patients for me, one of whom I thought I could care for easily, and one of whom was so broken I was scared even thinking about touching her. She'd survived a nasty car wreck but had LOTS of broken things including both femurs (thigh bones for you nonmedical types). Ouch! So I worked very hard on my pre-plans and was all ready to roll on Wednesday morning... when my clinical instructor called me to say that she was very sick and clinical has been cancelled for the week because she couldn't find anyone who would be able to take her place and supervise us students on the floor. And obviously it's illegal for students to practice without supervision. So! I got my weekend after all! Although this does mean I'll have to go to one more week of clinical closer to the end of the quarter.
Yesterday I went out for breakfast with R*, studied my cardio stuff, worked out (30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of yoga, it was awesome! I want to do that every day!), spent quality time with my sweetie and my cat, painted my toenails, cooked dinner, and went to bed early. Today so far I've done some cleaning around the house, changed the sheets on the bed, and made plans for a study group later this afternoon. Later I'll work out and make dinner.
I really needed the break. Nursing school is kicking my butt this quarter. I'm already anxious for next quarter, because I hear we have just as much lecture plus THREE nights of clinical a week. Egad.
Labels: nursing school
Friday, February 02, 2007
half done with clinical
I can't believe it, but I'm already halfway done with hands-on clinical for the quarter. I've finished my rotation on the telemetry unit and next week I'll move to an orthopedics/trauma unit. I've heard there are some fascinating cases on that floor!
Today I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I think I just hit a wall by the end of clinical last night. I was actually on the floor until 11:00 - no wonder I'm exhausted. This was actually week three of clinicals... the first week I shadowed a nurse and nominally had one patient to care for, except that my patient was just on the tele unit for observation and didn't need any nursing. I helped my nurse with some routine stuff, but mostly stood around and stared. The next week, I was assigned to one patient and took care of him myself. He was really sick - I was extremely nervous. But it went really well, and I got excellent feedback from my nurses and my instructor. I also made a connection with patient's family, which was pretty cool. This week, we had to ramp up to two patients. When I arrived on Wednesday, one of the patients that I had written my pre-plan for was gone to another unit. Drat! So I had to get a new patient and try to figure out what was going on with her and try to keep track of my other patient as well. I felt like I did a horrible job managing my time because I ended up delegating the other patient to the staff nurse. But last night, I was much better prepared and the whole evening went like clockwork. I successfully took care of both of my patients, gave meds on time, had time to go get some dinner and rest for a little while, and would've finished my charting before it was time to go... except that one of the night nurses asked if I wanted to start an IV! And I totally wanted to.
I was scared to death about actually STICKING A NEEDLE IN SOMEONE'S VEIN. But my instructor walked me through it step by step, my closest classmate acted as my scrub nurse (she filled her pockets with all the supplies I'd need and lots of extras just in case!), and the patient was the most cheerful, adorable guy in the world. He was an adult but developmentally delayed, and just chattered away happily the whole time we were preparing. When my teacher showed up, he said "Is this the first time you're doing this?" and I said yes, but that my teacher would help me, so he didn't need to worry... and he said, "Are you nervous?" Cracked me up. I admitted that I was a little nervous, but that I trusted my teacher and that we would take good care of him. Hilariously, he started singing "Like a Virgin," which really almost killed my instructor. And it went like a textbook procedure, which was nice for everyone involved. After we'd finished and cleaned everything up and gotten the patient settled, he called me back to the bedside... and when I walked back over, he held up his hand to high-five me. Cutest thing ever. I wanted to fold him up and put him in my pocket to take him home.
So yeah. Two more weeks at the Big County Hospital. And then I'll have the three different observation rotations, which happen earlier in the day instead of in the evenings like the hands-on clinicals. That means I'll actually be able to see R* while we're both awake, what a novelty!
Today I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I think I just hit a wall by the end of clinical last night. I was actually on the floor until 11:00 - no wonder I'm exhausted. This was actually week three of clinicals... the first week I shadowed a nurse and nominally had one patient to care for, except that my patient was just on the tele unit for observation and didn't need any nursing. I helped my nurse with some routine stuff, but mostly stood around and stared. The next week, I was assigned to one patient and took care of him myself. He was really sick - I was extremely nervous. But it went really well, and I got excellent feedback from my nurses and my instructor. I also made a connection with patient's family, which was pretty cool. This week, we had to ramp up to two patients. When I arrived on Wednesday, one of the patients that I had written my pre-plan for was gone to another unit. Drat! So I had to get a new patient and try to figure out what was going on with her and try to keep track of my other patient as well. I felt like I did a horrible job managing my time because I ended up delegating the other patient to the staff nurse. But last night, I was much better prepared and the whole evening went like clockwork. I successfully took care of both of my patients, gave meds on time, had time to go get some dinner and rest for a little while, and would've finished my charting before it was time to go... except that one of the night nurses asked if I wanted to start an IV! And I totally wanted to.
I was scared to death about actually STICKING A NEEDLE IN SOMEONE'S VEIN. But my instructor walked me through it step by step, my closest classmate acted as my scrub nurse (she filled her pockets with all the supplies I'd need and lots of extras just in case!), and the patient was the most cheerful, adorable guy in the world. He was an adult but developmentally delayed, and just chattered away happily the whole time we were preparing. When my teacher showed up, he said "Is this the first time you're doing this?" and I said yes, but that my teacher would help me, so he didn't need to worry... and he said, "Are you nervous?" Cracked me up. I admitted that I was a little nervous, but that I trusted my teacher and that we would take good care of him. Hilariously, he started singing "Like a Virgin," which really almost killed my instructor. And it went like a textbook procedure, which was nice for everyone involved. After we'd finished and cleaned everything up and gotten the patient settled, he called me back to the bedside... and when I walked back over, he held up his hand to high-five me. Cutest thing ever. I wanted to fold him up and put him in my pocket to take him home.
So yeah. Two more weeks at the Big County Hospital. And then I'll have the three different observation rotations, which happen earlier in the day instead of in the evenings like the hands-on clinicals. That means I'll actually be able to see R* while we're both awake, what a novelty!
Labels: nursing school
